Control what you can control...
Posted on April 03, 2020
What an interesting time to be having a baby. I’m a few days out from delivering our second son. He will be delivered three weeks early due to me having placenta previa. He will be delivered via c-section in a room filled with doctors and nurses and just Mom. He will not have any visitors nor meet his Dad or big brother until a few days later. This is partly pandemic choice and partly my choice. I am glad I have a choice.
I remember my first born, two weeks late, being induced, labor for 48 hours and then an emergency c-section, only to hemorrhage on the operating table and to lie there for another couple of hours listening to how they were trying to get me to stop bleeding…by myself. My husband was removed from the room about 15 minutes after baby arrived.
So this time around, one would think I would absolutely want my husband there knowing I am about to have a c-section (with risks, as there are always risks)…but I’m choosing to protect them. Protect my husband, protect my son, protect the nurses and doctors. I am controlling what I can control.
I remember when I started thinking and planning two months ago, about what this day would be like. The wonderful and joyous occasion it would be, my parents taking care of our son and bringing him to the hospital to meet little brother, my husband being with me through it all, and all the cute big brother/little brother matching shirts, and the fresh 48 photographer to capture it all. Fast forward to today, it will still be a wonderful and joyous occasion because I am birthing a beautiful baby boy. All the other pieces are secondary to a healthy and safe Mommy, baby, and family.
Our family and friends have all had a sad and concerned reaction to our decision, trying their best to go through all the options that might be available. After their efforts are exhausted, they start to come around and understand the Why…although still with a sad overtone. I keep seeing many of my friends protesting online to ensure Moms have a right to have a partner with them in the room with delivery and I can’t say that completely oppose that, however I feel more strongly on the side of controlling what I can control and what I can control is minimizing my family’s risk of getting COVID-19.
At my last doctor appointment, we discussed what this “alone” would look like. My doctor would rather someone be there for me as she never wants a patient to feel alone, however after our candid conversation, she whole heartedly understood, respected, and admired what I will be doing and why. She mentioned that she moved out of her house for the time being to protect her boys and husband. Control what you can control.
As far as being “alone”, I don’t feel I will be alone, I will have a dedicated team of doctors and nurses with me giving their lives everyday by simply doing their job. They will be stretched thin, they will be tired, they will be caring, they will do their best with the circumstances at hand and I will be grateful, appreciative, and as easy going as I can. We are all in this strange time together.
Do I expect the surgery to be easy, not for a second, am I mentally prepared to do it, yes. Do I expect those next couple of days of recovery in the hospital to be a breeze, not at all, am I mentally prepared to find a way to get through it with a positive outlook, absolutely. In the whole picture of what my life will be, what my son’s will be, what my family’s will be, a few tough days is worth it. Hey, at this point, both boys will have exciting entrances into the world.
Is my choice for everyone, I don’t believe so, but I firmly believe that we are able to handle more than we think we can. What will I remember with this delivery, I will remember that I made the best choice for me and my family. I will remember seeing my son for the first time, I will remember how tough I was, I will remember using facetime to introduce our new family member to my husband and son, using facetime with my husband to choose a final name for this little boy, I will remember that my love for my family is stronger than anything that can come my way.
Gena Graceful founder